Th biggest con trick of them all?

Over history, the UK has been a tropical paradise, a semi-desert, a temperate grasslands and an icy wasteland. Similarly, the Mediterranean Sea has rotated between glacier thru sea, to hostile desert, devoid of life. The entire globe has undergone natural climate change since time began, and Scientists know this by looking at rocks, fossils and a hundred other climatic 'indicators' of change.

It's obvious our climate is now changing again - a it does about every 150,000 years since its surface first solidified. Things naturally speed up at the end of each cycle, as has been demonstrated clearly & scientifically but intelligent men with test-tubes & stuff. We may be heading to another ice age, or to something more balmy, and we may have pretty horrible consequences on the way.

However - man's influence on climate change is minimal. Carbon dioxide output from calciferous rocks, which erode naturally, is 10,000 times the total of planetary man-made emissions, and other gases known to cause global warming. Man's influence - even at our ecologically most grim, is a mere fraction of what happens naturally - and is therefore out of our control.

Yet Governments choose to frighten us by telling us tales of our grim future, and use false science to suggest man's 'non-green' lifestyle is killing the entire planet. Several scientific researchers have been caught red handed using invalid and even falsified data, the very data used by the UK Government to 'prove' man's role in climate change.

Venus, our nearest planetary neighbor has never hosted life, of any kind, yet it is the Solar System's biggest & most extreme example of Global Warming. Even though, due to it's distance from the sun, it should be pretty much like earth, it's surface is so hot as to be molten, natural global warming in action, in the extreme, no man involved!

The same government, in fact, that is limiting our lives, demonizing cars & vehicle drivers, charging individuals, businesses & communities literally billions of pounds in extra taxes, charges, changing our life-styles and wrecking the world, on 'evidence' which is scientifically flawed and under-pinned by invalid data.

Is there a connection - man is guilty of effecting climate change, and government's reap millions in extra taxes, as people suffer as they are forced to carry the burden? Call me an old cynic.. but I think so!

Global warming.. it's a load of hot air, a massive money-spinner, and perhaps the biggest confidence trick of them all!

AWOL!

But no fear... more updates to follow soon!

Snoozeville Swine Flu Outbreak: The terror continues!

'Mercurial' Reporter Jim Bland, with the flu.

Top government scientists are investigating a massive 

outbreak of Swine Flu at various locations in Somerwest North. 

The outbreaks are centered on Snoozeville-on-Sea 

(population 71,758). The infection is rapidly spreading,

with over 500 people now suffering flu-like symptoms and

with lemons and other pork products being removed from 

public sale and local pigs being sheltered in church buildings 

as a precaution.

Chief Medical Officer Melville Vernacular (below) is suspicious 

of events - suggesting the illness may have a sinister and 

possibly unearthly cause. Shortly before disappearing during

a routine medical procedure, he told Snoozeville Mercurial 

reporter, Jim Bland, that he had analyzed the virus responsible

for causing the flu. He said "It's life, Jim, but not as we know it"

- adding that the presence of dilithium in its DNA crystal 

structure suggested alien origins.

Melville Vernacular at SHADO HQ, Snoozeville-on-Sea.

Attempts to contact Vernacular for further comments were met 

with an official wall of silence - a brief statement saying that 

he had had 'an unfortunate accident in his lab' and was 'unavailable'.

Science reporter Helen Harbinger thought it 'unusual' for dilithium

to be found on earth, and that it had only previously been seen 

embedded deep within meteorites from the far reaches of the 

universe, well beyond Bristol. She further commented that it would 

be 'gravely worrying' should alien viruses have made their way to 

Somerwest - as who knows what they could mutate into, and what

havoc they could wreak.

Asked if this could be the beginning of some kind of unimaginable alien invasion, she said that she could not imagine it, and went white, before returning to imagine more imaginable things.

When asked to comment about events, the newly-erected Mayor of Snoozeville, Colonel Sir Reginald Totterdown-Clipping (retired) said 

that Snoozeville was a spiffing town, with lots of attractions such 

as an exciting Grand Pier and a wondrous entertainment center, 

Tropicana, offering hours of joy to every girl and every boy.

The newly-erected Mayor of Snoozeville-on-Sea, Colonel Sir 

Reginald Totterdown-Clipping (retired) shown here at a fancy 

dress party in Cometville-St.Cleeve. He denies the charges.

Sir Reginald Totterdown-Clipping is 82.

(C) AFP 2009

Swine Flu Strikes!

Swine Flu affects the Central Nervous System causing temporary 

madness and profuse dribbling. Later, it attacks the skin, causing huge 

warts the size of grapefruits.

Panic sets in in the sleepy county of Somerwest North, where Swine Flu,

(formerly known as the 'black death' or 'plague') is diagnosed in the idyllic 

sea-side town of Snoozeville-on-Sea, famed for its miles of brown sands 

& medically-therapeutic mud.

The outbreak, diagnosed this afternoon is said to involve up to ten people, 

all displaying flu-like symptoms & the characteristic spreading of the nose & feet. All have been showing a particular fascination for raw bacon for a number of days,

another symptom of the illness.

The Salvation Army have been mobilized to seal off Snoozeville, however, the 

roads were still freely open at 5pm, when the nearby resort of Lower Cometville

St. Cleve was quarantined by accident instead due to an issue with a second-hand

Sat Nav unit.

Mike Jobsworth, from the local newspaper The Snoozeville Mercurial said that the 

disease had probably started out at the local superstore, Saintsburg's - which

had a reputation for selling particularly dodgy pork products, including pasta, 

broad beans and full-fat milk. He was not able to comment further , saying that

it would be more than his job was worth to do so.

The Mayor of Snoozeville, Captain Reginald Dunder-Trout (Retired) said that 

Snoozeville was a particularly beautiful holiday resort where one could still get Bed & Breakfast for under £20, recommending Looking Road in the process.

The Mayor is 76.

(C) AFP News Services

Destiny?

Hate to say it, but [most] humans are transparent, predictable, formulaic, ephemeral, full of self-interest & shallow beyond belief. To the point of being intensely tiresome, individual human actions are easy to forecast, and breaking of expected behavioral patterns occur rarely.

I once thought I was so totally wrong when I believed, as a youngster that life was a pre-programmed event, following pre-ordained routes & with fully-pre-defined outcomes. The more I experience, the more often I witness different humans following identical patterns, the more certain I am, sadly, that I was right.

What if free-will did not exist, and that individual humans on what we believe to be Earth were merely automatons, blindly following pre-programmed instructions, leading to the same outcomes, whatever they did, or whatever 'free' decisions they thought they were making?

What if they were pre-programmed units, existing in some kind of organic - or electronic matrix? They'd never know.. they'd just carry on living what they thought were their own lives as the cogs turned & they reached their pre-planned conclusions.

What if humans were alone - entirely - and everything they experience, their lives, their families, friends & actions were actually fabrications - only happening as part of a matrix or feigned reality?

Answer: They'd never know. And they never will > unless they're pre- programmed to discover, at some future point, for some unknown reason?

And who, or what would be mastering the puppetry, were this to be the case?

Korea'ing into stormy waters?

Kim Jung Il, North Korea's insane leader. He's as mad as a box of frogs at a lunatics convention in Cuckooville.

North Korea is an odd place. One of very few countries, perhaps 6 which are totally militaristic (everyone's technically in the army) and where the State officially comes before family, friends & humanity itself.

Everyone wears a 'uniform' and must be a member of the communist party. There are compulsory meetings every night, and weekends are taken up at massive parades and ceremonies the only function of which is to 'praise our glorious leader, Kim Jung Il'.

People are afraid to have friends - as friends can, and do report what you say, do or think  to a network of spies found everywhere, all the time. Everyone has a job - but it's chosen for you, and you can't refuse.

The State is broke. There's no money around and no food. People are literally starving. They have no contact at all with the outside world. Radio & TV signals from abroad are jammed, and trying to obtain information from outside leads to a harsh jail sentence. There are no 'free' TV or radio stations, and the press is totally controlled, containing stories praising Kim Jung Il, the wonders of communism & the great 'victories' of the Korean army against the evils of capitalism. Propaganda posters praising the wonders of Kim Jung Il are everywhere.

Borders are closed & fiercely guarded - no one gets across. Korea has no friends. It is not in the United Nations & is sanctioned by the rest of the world for human rights abuses, state killings & illegal dealings with nuclear arms and fissile materials. Korea is tolerated by the China, but they don't have a good relationship, and this is getting worse.

The Korean language is unique - unrelated & totally different from any other language on the planet. To an outsider, it sounds a little like Japanese & looks vaguely Chinese, but there are no connections at all with either language.

Worryingly, Korea has spent every dollar of its wealth on building up its army and on amassing a huge nuclear arsenal, on weapons, rockets, nuclear-reprocessing plants & other military stuff.

And a total madman is in charge of all of it. Kim Jung Il has no appreciation of the world, or North Korea's place in it. He rules his country, his people & his massive nuclear forces with a rod of iron & in absolute terror.

And now, because he feels ignored and alone, he's firing off nuclear rockets & threatening to use them against his country's neighbors, and making ridiculous demands on how his part of the world should be run.

Nuclear weapons are seriously bad news. Nuclear weapons in the hands of an autocratic madman in a land full of compliant, robotic zombies is a terrifying thought.

There'll be trouble here!

To Tweet or not to Tweet?

 

Want to know what's goin on?

Let a little bird tell you... it's good to Twitter!

Twitter, I have to admit I do like it, and overall, it's probably worth having >> but I'm very suspicious of it too.

I have just over 60 'followers' though the number varies a lot, even on a daily basis. It seems odd though that almost all of my 'followers' seem closely linked with key-words I've tweeted... for example, I've mentioned I love to surf... and I'm then quickly followed by GUL wetsuits, Surfers against Sewage and other obviously-linked commercial groups, without ever having visited, or added them.

I go to Whitby & tweet how nice it is, and upload a few pix. I'm then followed by 'Visit Whitby' >> surely no coincidence? I mention I have an interest in aliens & spacey / sciency stuff, and as if by magic, I get followed by Cambridge Scientific Services, and, oddly, a legal firm offering assistance fro 'illegal aliens' Pffft... Have they landed?

I'm pretty sure all out tweets are sieved and filtered - and the 'juicy' commercial bits are recognised by some intelligent computer program, which sometimes gets it wrong, and then sold on to 'relevent' commercial institutions.... we then get 'followed' - and the commercial guys have a ready-made audience for offers & commercial tweets ad infinitum.. ..

I fully expect to receive an ever growing number of tweets particularly tailored to my so-called interests, however the software identifies them... and perhaps, this is more of an intrusion into my privacy than I had wanted...

Still, for the moment, it's fun, even if only 3 or 4 guys following me are genuine... Sometimes, I wish I was more simple and far less of a cynic!

You can join Twitter at Twitter.com, and it works really well with most mobile phones, via applications such a 'Tweetie' or 'Twitteriffic'. If you do join up >> Follow TorchwoodCF for all the news & shizz from Torchwood Territory & Somerwest County!

Laters!
CT

A sad tale from the English West-country.. ..

The saga of the lost ball! 

(A true tale from TorchwoodCF)

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Today at 8:08pm 

An essential piece of kit for the Great British Jobsworth!

Two guys are playing handball, and the ball lands on a nearby flat roof, about ten feet high. It's an expensive ball >> so they go to get assistance. A beefy groundsman is close by & ready to spring into inactivity.

He considers the situation carefully, before shaking his head knowledgeably. I'll have to get 'premises' in... they're here on Thursday! Asked if he had a ladder, he replied that he had - but as the wall was over 9 foot tall, he needed a 'ladder certificate' before he could even begin to climb the dizzy heights. He only had a 'crawler board awareness' training certificate, which was entirely different.

The yellow fluorescent jobsworth's jacket. Who'd be seen dead without one?

At last, some sense as another groundsman comes round the corner with a ladder... The guys grab him & ask if he'd retrieve the ball. The two groundsmen have a quiet discussion, before Nr. 2 announces he has the ladder certificate, but not 'crawler board awareness' training. We're again at a stalemate.

One of the guys has a brilliant idea... groundsman Nr. 2 uses his ladder & his ladder certificate to climb the ladder, whilst Nr. 1 uses his certified, animal-like crawler board awareness to lean over and retrieve the ball!!

Hmm... sounds clever! There is just one snag... Neither Nr. 1 or Nr. 2 is a supervisor, so can't supervise the other in using the ladder, or the crawler boards!!

Getting rather sick of all of this, I decide to take a chair, stand on it, reach over & grab the ball. As I retrieve the ball triumphantly, the Health & Safety Officer comes running, oddly enough, from an office. He is blue in the face & quaking with rage.

AHSSBESSTOSS!!! Put that ball back!!

The jobsworth... universally respected by everyone.

In horror, and thinking of the deadly dangers of asbestos, I throw the ball back and jump off the chair.

'Is their asbestos on the roof', I tentatively ask?

'Erm... no', was the reply... 'but there might be, and we're waiting for the Safety Certificate to prove it!'

I'd had enough... I left the scene beaten & forlorn, and came home for Minstrels & cheese cubes!

Political correctness & other forms of jobsworthyness...

JUST SAY NO!

Swine Flu - The dangers?

Swine Flu - The dangers?

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Today at 2:42am  UPP Press Agency (C)

The recombinant H1N1 virus.

Could this change humanity?

Scientists in New Georgia have expressed their serious concerns about the so-called 'Swine Flu' virus, scientifically known as H1N1.

An early pig / human chimera, born as a result of earlier genetic experimentation in North Korea.

Milton Ashcombe-Brown, 62, Director of Clinical Research at the University of Somerwest has uncovered evidence suggesting worrying trends in the behavior of recombinant RNA in the latest variants of the virus, suggesting that they can retro-build themselves into the DNA structure of potential victims, effectively re-writing chromosomal & genetic architecture.

This, if true, would be extremely concerning, potentially threatening the future of the human race as a distinct & identifable species. Early indications of recombinant RNA involvement in human genetic coding would be the presence of porcine indicators in amniocentesis during early embryonic scans, leading to the birth of human-pig offspring from apparently normal pregnancies.

Emeritus Professor Harald Stiggurthuvalddar-Thorsson, from Stithsbald University Research Center in North Falkland admitted that this was a very worrying development, but urged the public not to panic. He suggested that such hybridization, leading to the production of human / pig 'chimeras' may not be a bad thing, and could lead to a great evolutionary step in life on Earth.

A CGI impression of what hybrid humans may look like.

 

Emeritus Professor Harald Stiggurthuvalddar-Thorsson, from Stithsbald University Research Center in North Falkland, aged 52.

Report compiled by Stanislaw Wrzerzezowski, UPP Press Agency (C)

Bank holiday adventures in Yorkshire!

 

A gull waits to steal ice cream and chips, and to carry off small children.

Away for the Bank Holiday weekend - this time round, it's North Yorkshire, home to excellent beer, fantastic scenery, fish & chips, a powerful, unintelligible accent > and far too many track-suited pie-eating chavs, many of them succulently obese! There are some pretty gross sights hanging out of Ecko sweat pants, and some Reebok Classics were definitely taking more strain than they were made for, I can tell you! Ew! I feel faint...

Arrived in Whitby from Scarborough after watching the dramatic RNLI rescue of a small girl, snatched from her mother's arms by a raiding herring gull, and dropped far out to sea when the beast exhausted. How fortunate the lifeboat was out on training maneuvers - and by total coincidence, in the same spot where the girl landed. Splash! It's a miracle! Normally, they grab ice creams & chips, but some are psychotic & have ideas well above their perches!

Never been to Scarborough before - and I'm surprised how nice it is. Very nice in fact. I'll be back for a longer stay when time allows. Loads of bikes & leather-clad bikers - would be a great place to come on two wheels. For cars, sadly, parking is murder, almost literally., and parking meter jobsworths roam the streets looking for easy victims. Saw the place where they film 'The Royal', a great program soon to face the axe due to ITV going slowly broke.

 

Winking Willy's chip shop. No comment!

Had lunch today in 'Winking Willy's Fish Bar' with Rytin Chex - the guy who does radio over in Wales. Met him in York last night on Twitter & tagged along for the day. Funny bloke - full of ideas and opinions, most of them either insane, or ridiculous! Good company though! Managed not to eat all the chips, but it's so tempting. One thing is definitely true, northern fish & chips are ALWAYS the best!

Started today over in Goathland, aka Aidensfield, where 'Heartbeat' is being filmed, and has been for the last 130 years. Sad to say the show's being killed off, along with 'The Royal', in spite of high ratings. The truth is that ITV is in trouble financially, and there will be savage cuts in UK programming, and an increase in cheap US imported sh!t. Sad. I think the future of ITV is not so good, if I'm honest.

 

At Scripps Garage in Aidensfield. Sunny, lots of people, sheep & steam trains.

Was good to see old fashioned steam trains in 'Aidensfield'. I'm not into trains, but it was nice to see something wholly different racking along the tracks. I think they go up and down the line to Pickering, but I'm no expert! There was also an allegedly famous train called 'The Mallard' which passed by - exciting hundreds of photographers with enormous lenses & uber-expensive cameras!
!

 

A warm & friendly greeting and a warm welcome too from the residents of Goathland. Lovely place! It's not PC, but it's cool by me!

Arrived at my hotel to chill for a couple of hours only to crack my foot on a door stop, ironically, in the form of a huge pecking goose with a silly smile on its wrought iron face. Typical, eh?

Chased by the waves... and an adder!

Caswell Bay, great place to surf when conditions are right, but a rocky area means you have to be careful when you're coming in!

Fantastic day yesterday, started pretty miserable with me in the midst of a fog of indecision. Got into the 'another cup of coffee' mode... and nothing was gonna happen. Managed to galvanize myself into action after the weather forecast said it was sunny and warm in Swansea.

I also had a total desire for a Joe's Ice Cream: and the best ice cream parlor in the world is in Mumbles! The £2.60 are best - but due to the diet, the £1.60 would have to do today! With Swansea decided as the venue, what to take! Swansea = Ice Cream (so need wallet!) + waves (take surfboard or body board? (not sure > a lot of hassle)... Wetsuit - Long or short, summer or winter? I have several - sadly all of them at the end of their active lives. sad, eh?

You need a wetsuit all year round in the UK, unless June / july has been particularly hot. Even now, you can get away with a long'summer' suit - one which is about 3mm thick & which covers all your arms & legs too.

Decided to take the big board & the long, thinner suit, but was only about 20% sure of action. It's not that warm, and in this weather, the sea is normally pretty flat. Still, the idea of getting there without kit, and suddenly wanting to take part would have been pretty frustrating, so better prepared than not!

So, arrived at Swansea - Mumbles was the first stop, as ever for joe's Ice Cream - and a coffee. Felt a bit extravagant, so had it topped with nuts today (the icecream, not the coffee!)

Mumbles was crowded, so I moved onto Caswell Bay, a fantastic bay surrounded by hills & heather. The weather was great, but the sea was pretty flat, and not much happening. About three surfers, a couple on bodyboards & a few kids swimming & just splashing about. Wished I'd brought the body board, but that's how it goes.

Caswell Bay - on a good day. sadly, today was as flat as a frenchman's humor.

Not sure I'd do much, but I parked up & got changed anyway. Hate that part of things... Grr! A local guy told me things would 'look up' in about an hour, so, motivated, I left the board in the car & walked to a grassy area to watch & wait... I noticed a hideous black beetle crawl across my foot. I hate them: thank god I was wearing a suit! I grabbed a rock, flicked it away... then crushed it. It was hideous, after all.

Just when getting ready to sit back down, out of the blue - or more precisely, the gorse, AN ADDER RUSHES OUT! Four feet long, evil & hissing, its fangs were bared as it leapt for my throat(*). I screamed in terror and panic - then ran faster than I thought possible. Took over an hour for my heart to return to normal... and I screamed so loud, these guys thought I was being murdered & came over to see if I was still alive!

The adder... (*) In reality, about 18 inches long. It ran for its life too when it saw me!

Drama over, I noticed a few pathetic mini-waves as the tide limped in. Grabbed my board, ran in & did virtually nothing for three hours apart from paddle, swim & float. I'm not at all an expert - I can just do the basics when conditions allow me to. I just enjoy it, so I do it.

At one point, things were ALMOST spoiled when this bloke I was talking to told me that GREAT WHITE SHARKS had been seen 3 miles off Caswell Bay last summer.. but I had no intention of going 100m out, let alone 5km!

A friendly great white. They have been seen off the English south west coast, and out to sea off South West Wales.

I then went home... and slept, after a relaxing Bulmers' Pear!

A random cheerful-looking guy.

Holidays... End of!!

Always sad when holidays come to an end, but always best to think of the bad bits just to make returning to work seem vaguely possible! 

For me, attack by ferocious animals has been the theme of the fortnight... the rampage of the pecking swans, the charge of the alien (Canadian!) geese, the savage assault by pouncing adder whiich tried to tear me out of my wetsuit, the murderous stalking by a slathering wolf, and of course, the attack of a thousand mouthparts from the canniballistic vampire gnats which ate me alive & bled me dry!

Then there was the letter from O2 & the incandescent row which followed > some of you will have been able to read about that nasty business (I won though!) and of course, the almost lethal attack by SatNav, which almost led me & the skoda into the quicksands of total despair!

Bad things over... I now feel ready for tomorrow (erm.. if I convince myself whilst under the influence of pentathol).. Great week, all in all!

Surfing in Gower - great fun, but totally tiring, mile after mile of walks in brilliant sunshine, catching up with friends in Suffolk, loads of barbecues - and the diet, which at ten days, is not nearly as miserable as I thought it would be. The ounces are just falling off!

 

Even  caught up with a couple of friends who I'd not heard from for a while, so there's something else good which happened!

The Doctor Who special was a breath of fresh air which dispelled the gloomy stagnation of most TV, and Ashes to Ashes is back on Monday. It'll be awesome to have the Gene Genie back on our screens, that IS a fact!
 

OK.. now I've convinced myself life is positive... let's fire up the steam iron & let's flatten those shirts!

(Cries uncontrollably!)

Off into Swansea!

Had a fairly late night, doing very little & achieving even less. Got involved in a discussion with a guy called Colin about a show on Channel 4 which looked at surgical correction of 'embarrassing' body parts. One was a woman who had shark-like pins for teeth > looked alien, and nasty, she was given porcelain veneers; the others included an incontinent man, who ended up being fitted up with a mechanical bladder with the 'ON' switch in his scrotum... but you'll have to imaging the rest! Was it smut - or medical interest? Dunno!

Was scratched also by a Weevil* right across the hand - that's gone all red now, think I've been infected & may mutate at some point into something horriffic, but maybe no one will notice any difference!

Amazingly, looking out of the window, no sign of the rain, blizzards, storm force winds, hell & dalmations we were promised today, just a blue sky & calmness. I've decided to fire up the Skoda and head for Swansea. If I don't do anything, it'll be daytime TV, my couch, the laptop & about 15 liters of instant coffee - neither good nor inspiring!

The plan therefore is to get diesel, only 20 miles left, close one coming back from Stafford yesterday, drive straight to Mumbles for a compulsory Joe's Ice Cream (try them if you get to Swansea - they're awesome & addictive! or just have a look - http://www.joes-icecream.com/ ) and then to drive round to Caswell Bay to watch surfers - always a good thing to do. If things look good - the plan would then be to go to Rhossili, bit of a drive, but well worth it.

Always a good place to be, with miles of flat, golden sands & steep hills with fantastic vantage points. It's always been my favorite place to surf, so may even be tempted to have a go, in a half-hearted, non serious kind of way, but could just end up spectating. There's normally a lot to see! The one problem with Rhossili is that to get from your car to the bay is about half a mile down a steep slope, and it's a long way to carry your board, and there are brambles!

Still, when you get there - the bay is beautiful, the waves are safe & there's nothing nasty, like rips or sewage! There is the danger of being landed on by a passing hang-glider or microlight, as they get here too - and can be fun to watch!

Then it'll be an early tea at the Worm's Head Inn & a gradual return to Cardiff, stopping in a few places on the way. Day planned > time to move! I'll upload any interesting pix as I find  them!

[* For 'weevil', read 'next door's ferocious cat, which HATES me!]

Surviving the chavs in Barry!

Off to Barry > a seaside town about 8km from here. It's an interesting place with good parts, and some horrible ones! Here's my guide to enjoyment... and survival on your day trip!

 

It's divided into three parts: The Town, which is run down & chav infested, and characterized by vile, aggressive, baggy, ill-fitting tracksuits & faded Burberry baseball caps. They're often drunk - and frequently cause problems, vandalism, fights, etc. Hideous, and smelly too. All the shops - those that remain open - have bars and shutters protecting their windows, and at night, it's a place very definitely to avoid - especially if you're not an obvious chav.

 


Barry Island is much more pleasant - with lots of walks, fantastic beaches and very much what you'd expect in a small seaside town. sadly, there are those awful places called 'amusements', where nothing even vaguely amusing has ever been known to happen. They should be closed IMMEDIATELY under the terms of the Trades Descriptions Act!

There ARE chavs here too, but there's usually so many other people around that even if you look a bit 'alternative', you're fairly safe, especially if you keep a low profile. The ones in the picture smelt of a strange mix of Lynx Africa, Special Brew, stale tobacco & dried urine. Interesting...

You can still get lunches for £2.99 & cups of tea for 50p, though I did once get full scale food poisoning after risking a cheap Sunday roast. Mistake.

 

Then, there are the properly nice places - The Knapp, an isolated cove used by surfers & windsurfers, often when the sea is quite wild. It can actually get quite packed when the wind's up, and the sea is rough - and there are several rescues each year. There are no chavs by day, but they are rumored to gather in cars at night. Watch out for pecking swans: they sit on the lake and can be FEROCIOUS.


There's a headland, rather like Sand Point over in Weston-s-Mare (England) and lots of parks, suitable for families & small children. Romilly Park is probably the best. There are cliffs for the more energetic, and an ice cream van which also sells hot dogs!

Time to fire up the Skoda.. I'm off!

Easter Friday & Stuff..

Looking forward to Doctor Who's Easter special - Saturday on BBC1 in the UK, though my network of international spies tell me that many of you will be downloading it for viewing all over the world! Certainly, the trailer looks good, and the 'buzz' over at Pontypool is that it's a 'cracker' - and a big improvement on the rather disappointing Christmas special. Can't wait!

Great to see that Gene Hunt is back in Ashes to Ashes, series 2 staring on BBC1 in the UK on Monday, 20th April, though no doubt it will be uploaded illegally for international enjoyment (heaven forbid, lol!) pretty soon afterwards. This will be the last series of Ashes, though the writers have not written off the prospect of a further Gene Hunt spin off, perhaps set 5 years later, and with another 'time traveller' in place. Was not convinced by the current one - Sam Tyler definitely rules!!

Had a great day looking at birds. Unusual for me, perhaps, but swans, mallards, coots and other unidentifiable water fowl do have their charms, especially when set against the glorious backdrop of Cardiff Bay's glorious, and largely undiscovered Wetlands, and when accompanied by glorious weather and an invigorating spring breeze! God, this sounds like a report written for Croeso / Bwrdd Cymru!

There's a lot of pix gone up in an entire new album - worth a look if you're into Cardiff, travel - or perhaps if you intend coming here some time. Comments are always welcome. Not sure of the quality today - think the Sony-Ericsson needs a restore or something!

Ten things you (probably!) didn't know about cellphones!

(1) Cellphones (Mobile phones in the UK) are really MICROWAVE transmitters which send out the same kind of waves that cook your dinner. Some people believe that spending too much time on your mobile can warm up - or even start to cook your brain, though this has not been totally proven.
                                    
(2) Cellphones work by linking up with a network of cells, called 'Base Stations'. Each of these contains very complex digital technology to process, transfer & route your call. There are tens of thousands of these in the UK alone!

(3) The further your cellphone is from a Base Station - the more microwave power it puts out when you're in a call. More microwave power drains your battery more quickly, and may be more damaging to health. Powerful Base Stations in crowded areas have been linked with cancer & leukemia in children, but this is not fully proven.

(4) Some cellphone masts are disguised as trees, lamp-posts, flag poles or advertising signs - and can look quite convincing!

(5) Your cellphone constantly 'talks' to all the Base Stations in its range. It lets them know where it is - and where it's moving to. This enables your call to be passed from mast to mast, seamlessly. However...

(6) ... this means that your cellphone can be tracked & traced whenever it is switched on. The Network can locate your position sometimes within 5 METERS of accuracy. This means that if you're carrying a cellphone, and it's switched on - the authorities know exactly where you've been, where you are - and where you're heading! Your cellphone can literally be used as a TRACKING DEVICE!

(7) If asked to do so, network providers like AT&T, Rogers or Vodafone can open up the microphone on your cellphone, enabling anny background sounds or conversations to be recorded. This can be done very simpy - and works as long as your phone is on. Some phones can even be switched on remotely, but most can't. Your cellphone can be made to ACT AS A BUG!

(8) In the UK, ALL cellphone calls, text messages & handset locations are logged by the govenment - and details are kept on record for up to SEVEN YEARS!

(9) In 2011, ALL non-3G cellphones will stop working in most of Europe & the UK, when old-style transmitters are switched off, to make way for new technologies.

(10) There are more cellphones in use in the UK than there are people!

Now you're an expert on cellphones!

An ordinary sort of day?

One of those surreal kind of days, quite removed from reality in some ways.


Started at wake-up, when I was totally convinced it was Saturday morning, so I lazily remained in bed, noting brilliant sun outside whilst planning a leisurely breakfast, perhaps at IKEA, or the caravan club over in Sully. The noise of the garbage truck passing by jolted a few brain cells into action and was slightly disturbing - the garbage truck comes on Tuesday, NOT Saturday! Has the council gone mad? Or was it me?

It WAS me - it was in fact Tuesday, and I was late. After realizing I'd lost the coffee, and the plot as well, I threw on suit number 3 and shirt number 7, finding the coffee in the freezer in the process.Too late for a cup anyway - just time to fire up the Skoda!

Arriving at The Hub, miraculously on time, I proceded to acquire a crispy breakfast roll, essential for generating energy & indeed the will to live. I'm always left alone whilst eating > I have been known to confuse colleagues, and even Weevils for food whilst in feeding mode. I am therefore guaranteed not to be disturbed whilst in possession of bacon, which is a good thing for all concerned.

The rest of the day moved on fairly quickly, as ever, problems to solve, people to see, important things to do - and countless people telling me to do things which are, of course more important. Manic emails from the Boss with more, even more vital things to do, and even sooner, and a load of things to plan, for yesterday.

Lunch was disappointing - grey meatballs, allegedly made of pork, but more likely to be cotton wool, soaked in barbecue sauce. Then there was the soggetti - like spaghetti, but flaccid, limpid and totally flavorless. Quite horrible, and an altogether unpleasant experience. I was then offered an alien delicacy to sample. It resembled cheese - with an aftertaste of Marmite, or perhaps Bovril. It was something I'll never forget. I may have been psychologically damaged by it.

Every Tuesday ends in blah blah... the meeting that reduces the brain to pudding, and makes suicide by shark seem, by comparison, a pleasurable experience, one even to look forward to. As ever, half a rainforest is passed round the table, all to be filed in the bin immediately afterwards, of course unread.

After the first few minutes, someone says it's cold - so the air con goes off. It's actually baking, and within seconds, the room is so hot, that the fruit visibly shrivels, and later - even steel objects vaporise, and the fiery atmosphere draws everyone into dessicated unconsciousness.

At last, proof that God exists, as papers start to shuffle, the PowerPoint is switched off, and people start to move to the door. It really is a miracle... we're finishing TWENTY MINUTES EARLY!! Huzzah!!

Then Bigmouth opens it, and it all kicks off again. Another 45 minutes of pointless misery talking about trivia, and people sink back into their seats, forlorn.

Now I'm home - had Morrison's self-service salad and chili flavored pilchards for tea, & now it's time for New Tricks!



Awesome!!
xxNite!