Snoozeville Swine Flu Outbreak: The terror continues!

'Mercurial' Reporter Jim Bland, with the flu.

Top government scientists are investigating a massive 

outbreak of Swine Flu at various locations in Somerwest North. 

The outbreaks are centered on Snoozeville-on-Sea 

(population 71,758). The infection is rapidly spreading,

with over 500 people now suffering flu-like symptoms and

with lemons and other pork products being removed from 

public sale and local pigs being sheltered in church buildings 

as a precaution.

Chief Medical Officer Melville Vernacular (below) is suspicious 

of events - suggesting the illness may have a sinister and 

possibly unearthly cause. Shortly before disappearing during

a routine medical procedure, he told Snoozeville Mercurial 

reporter, Jim Bland, that he had analyzed the virus responsible

for causing the flu. He said "It's life, Jim, but not as we know it"

- adding that the presence of dilithium in its DNA crystal 

structure suggested alien origins.

Melville Vernacular at SHADO HQ, Snoozeville-on-Sea.

Attempts to contact Vernacular for further comments were met 

with an official wall of silence - a brief statement saying that 

he had had 'an unfortunate accident in his lab' and was 'unavailable'.

Science reporter Helen Harbinger thought it 'unusual' for dilithium

to be found on earth, and that it had only previously been seen 

embedded deep within meteorites from the far reaches of the 

universe, well beyond Bristol. She further commented that it would 

be 'gravely worrying' should alien viruses have made their way to 

Somerwest - as who knows what they could mutate into, and what

havoc they could wreak.

Asked if this could be the beginning of some kind of unimaginable alien invasion, she said that she could not imagine it, and went white, before returning to imagine more imaginable things.

When asked to comment about events, the newly-erected Mayor of Snoozeville, Colonel Sir Reginald Totterdown-Clipping (retired) said 

that Snoozeville was a spiffing town, with lots of attractions such 

as an exciting Grand Pier and a wondrous entertainment center, 

Tropicana, offering hours of joy to every girl and every boy.

The newly-erected Mayor of Snoozeville-on-Sea, Colonel Sir 

Reginald Totterdown-Clipping (retired) shown here at a fancy 

dress party in Cometville-St.Cleeve. He denies the charges.

Sir Reginald Totterdown-Clipping is 82.

(C) AFP 2009

Swine Flu Strikes!

Swine Flu affects the Central Nervous System causing temporary 

madness and profuse dribbling. Later, it attacks the skin, causing huge 

warts the size of grapefruits.

Panic sets in in the sleepy county of Somerwest North, where Swine Flu,

(formerly known as the 'black death' or 'plague') is diagnosed in the idyllic 

sea-side town of Snoozeville-on-Sea, famed for its miles of brown sands 

& medically-therapeutic mud.

The outbreak, diagnosed this afternoon is said to involve up to ten people, 

all displaying flu-like symptoms & the characteristic spreading of the nose & feet. All have been showing a particular fascination for raw bacon for a number of days,

another symptom of the illness.

The Salvation Army have been mobilized to seal off Snoozeville, however, the 

roads were still freely open at 5pm, when the nearby resort of Lower Cometville

St. Cleve was quarantined by accident instead due to an issue with a second-hand

Sat Nav unit.

Mike Jobsworth, from the local newspaper The Snoozeville Mercurial said that the 

disease had probably started out at the local superstore, Saintsburg's - which

had a reputation for selling particularly dodgy pork products, including pasta, 

broad beans and full-fat milk. He was not able to comment further , saying that

it would be more than his job was worth to do so.

The Mayor of Snoozeville, Captain Reginald Dunder-Trout (Retired) said that 

Snoozeville was a particularly beautiful holiday resort where one could still get Bed & Breakfast for under £20, recommending Looking Road in the process.

The Mayor is 76.

(C) AFP News Services