Swine Flu Strikes!

Swine Flu affects the Central Nervous System causing temporary 

madness and profuse dribbling. Later, it attacks the skin, causing huge 

warts the size of grapefruits.

Panic sets in in the sleepy county of Somerwest North, where Swine Flu,

(formerly known as the 'black death' or 'plague') is diagnosed in the idyllic 

sea-side town of Snoozeville-on-Sea, famed for its miles of brown sands 

& medically-therapeutic mud.

The outbreak, diagnosed this afternoon is said to involve up to ten people, 

all displaying flu-like symptoms & the characteristic spreading of the nose & feet. All have been showing a particular fascination for raw bacon for a number of days,

another symptom of the illness.

The Salvation Army have been mobilized to seal off Snoozeville, however, the 

roads were still freely open at 5pm, when the nearby resort of Lower Cometville

St. Cleve was quarantined by accident instead due to an issue with a second-hand

Sat Nav unit.

Mike Jobsworth, from the local newspaper The Snoozeville Mercurial said that the 

disease had probably started out at the local superstore, Saintsburg's - which

had a reputation for selling particularly dodgy pork products, including pasta, 

broad beans and full-fat milk. He was not able to comment further , saying that

it would be more than his job was worth to do so.

The Mayor of Snoozeville, Captain Reginald Dunder-Trout (Retired) said that 

Snoozeville was a particularly beautiful holiday resort where one could still get Bed & Breakfast for under £20, recommending Looking Road in the process.

The Mayor is 76.

(C) AFP News Services