The saga of the lost ball!
(A true tale from TorchwoodCF)
An essential piece of kit for the Great British Jobsworth!
Two guys are playing handball, and the ball lands on a nearby flat roof, about ten feet high. It's an expensive ball >> so they go to get assistance. A beefy groundsman is close by & ready to spring into inactivity.
He considers the situation carefully, before shaking his head knowledgeably. I'll have to get 'premises' in... they're here on Thursday! Asked if he had a ladder, he replied that he had - but as the wall was over 9 foot tall, he needed a 'ladder certificate' before he could even begin to climb the dizzy heights. He only had a 'crawler board awareness' training certificate, which was entirely different.
He considers the situation carefully, before shaking his head knowledgeably. I'll have to get 'premises' in... they're here on Thursday! Asked if he had a ladder, he replied that he had - but as the wall was over 9 foot tall, he needed a 'ladder certificate' before he could even begin to climb the dizzy heights. He only had a 'crawler board awareness' training certificate, which was entirely different.
The yellow fluorescent jobsworth's jacket. Who'd be seen dead without one?
At last, some sense as another groundsman comes round the corner with a ladder... The guys grab him & ask if he'd retrieve the ball. The two groundsmen have a quiet discussion, before Nr. 2 announces he has the ladder certificate, but not 'crawler board awareness' training. We're again at a stalemate.
One of the guys has a brilliant idea... groundsman Nr. 2 uses his ladder & his ladder certificate to climb the ladder, whilst Nr. 1 uses his certified, animal-like crawler board awareness to lean over and retrieve the ball!!
Hmm... sounds clever! There is just one snag... Neither Nr. 1 or Nr. 2 is a supervisor, so can't supervise the other in using the ladder, or the crawler boards!!
Getting rather sick of all of this, I decide to take a chair, stand on it, reach over & grab the ball. As I retrieve the ball triumphantly, the Health & Safety Officer comes running, oddly enough, from an office. He is blue in the face & quaking with rage.
AHSSBESSTOSS!!! Put that ball back!!
The jobsworth... universally respected by everyone.
In horror, and thinking of the deadly dangers of asbestos, I throw the ball back and jump off the chair.
'Is their asbestos on the roof', I tentatively ask?
'Erm... no', was the reply... 'but there might be, and we're waiting for the Safety Certificate to prove it!'
I'd had enough... I left the scene beaten & forlorn, and came home for Minstrels & cheese cubes!
Political correctness & other forms of jobsworthyness...
JUST SAY NO!
JUST SAY NO!
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