Snoozeville Swine Flu Outbreak: The terror continues!

'Mercurial' Reporter Jim Bland, with the flu.

Top government scientists are investigating a massive 

outbreak of Swine Flu at various locations in Somerwest North. 

The outbreaks are centered on Snoozeville-on-Sea 

(population 71,758). The infection is rapidly spreading,

with over 500 people now suffering flu-like symptoms and

with lemons and other pork products being removed from 

public sale and local pigs being sheltered in church buildings 

as a precaution.

Chief Medical Officer Melville Vernacular (below) is suspicious 

of events - suggesting the illness may have a sinister and 

possibly unearthly cause. Shortly before disappearing during

a routine medical procedure, he told Snoozeville Mercurial 

reporter, Jim Bland, that he had analyzed the virus responsible

for causing the flu. He said "It's life, Jim, but not as we know it"

- adding that the presence of dilithium in its DNA crystal 

structure suggested alien origins.

Melville Vernacular at SHADO HQ, Snoozeville-on-Sea.

Attempts to contact Vernacular for further comments were met 

with an official wall of silence - a brief statement saying that 

he had had 'an unfortunate accident in his lab' and was 'unavailable'.

Science reporter Helen Harbinger thought it 'unusual' for dilithium

to be found on earth, and that it had only previously been seen 

embedded deep within meteorites from the far reaches of the 

universe, well beyond Bristol. She further commented that it would 

be 'gravely worrying' should alien viruses have made their way to 

Somerwest - as who knows what they could mutate into, and what

havoc they could wreak.

Asked if this could be the beginning of some kind of unimaginable alien invasion, she said that she could not imagine it, and went white, before returning to imagine more imaginable things.

When asked to comment about events, the newly-erected Mayor of Snoozeville, Colonel Sir Reginald Totterdown-Clipping (retired) said 

that Snoozeville was a spiffing town, with lots of attractions such 

as an exciting Grand Pier and a wondrous entertainment center, 

Tropicana, offering hours of joy to every girl and every boy.

The newly-erected Mayor of Snoozeville-on-Sea, Colonel Sir 

Reginald Totterdown-Clipping (retired) shown here at a fancy 

dress party in Cometville-St.Cleeve. He denies the charges.

Sir Reginald Totterdown-Clipping is 82.

(C) AFP 2009