Number 1... Southern Comfort, the grand old drink of South Wales!
I've always liked the sound of Southern comfort, but never tried it... Had visions of it being the ultimate, manly drink, full of fire & flavor. Spirits were lifted high on Tuesday, when The Spar in Dinas (where I live) had it on offer... £9.99 for a 70cl bottle! Brought two.. Bargain!!
Got home, shaking with excitement as I opened the bottle for a tiny tempting taster. Took a sip and fell to the floor in abject horror. Tasted like sticky whiskey with too much sugar added..
Awful, not awesome! Southern Comfort fails!
Number 2... Derek Acorah, the world renowned ghost hunter!
So many people had said to me watch out for this guy – he's a genuine psychic who conjures up confused spirits, and chatters cheerfully with them... Well, I am a sceptic, so I ignored this recommendation mercilessly.
Later, Derek Acorah appears in The Mirror – and gets a great write-up for his 'Most Haunted' show on Living TV (unfortunate channel!) - gets a 3 Star rating! So I decide to watch dear Derek in action, half convinced I'd see something convincing.
Joy of joys... whilst nibbling Hobnobs at home on a hot holiday, I note Derek's on TV in ten minutes! The excitement mounts.. the show starts.. and my expectations rise, only to be instantly deflated like a weather balloon in a washing machine on a wet & windy Wednesday.
The show is abjectly stupid. More cheesy than Mr. Brie at a cheesefest in Cheddar on Cheeseday. Derek is unconvincing, and spends his time looking shocked, shaking and making shallow comments whilst co-hosts and researchers rush around relentlessly, screaming like dizzy dozy dervishes in the heights of over-staged battle. Even more stupidly, it's all filmed in night vision, and camera angles & incidental sounds make the whole show camper than a cucumber at a transvestite convention in Brighton.
Derek's a disappointment. Acorah fails!
Number 3... The Giant Anteater!
Lives in South America, moves slowly and looks kinda sweet. Is totally sleek, has strong, furry arms and an odd face, with soulful, friendly,gorgeous brown eyes. David Tennant – eat your heart out!
When threatened, for example, by a passing cosmetics salesman, the creature walks slowly over to its perceived aggressor, and strokes them with its hunky hands, drawing them ever closer. Looking at you with its gorgeous eyes glinting, it then begins to hug you gently – and then crushes your rib cage with its powerful arms. As your lungs are forced thru your open mouth, and as you collapse dying to the floor in shock & disappointment, it uses its razor-like claws to disembowel you, before sidling off silently, and with just seconds to live.
Cute that it appears, the Giant Anteater is a nasty piece of work.. and fails!
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